What A Morning!!!!!

To be honest I would have no clue where to even begin. Today was a day that was nothing shy of a miracle and the power of the Lord Himself. You see, Tonya and I have not been anywhere alone together in years! I really mean like over at least 6 years. If you know us, you know what we have all been through. Well, since we are expecting a Little One in April, she and I had arranged to get together and talk about needs and wants and what she was expecting.

I will be the first to tell you I was a bit nervous. I was somewhat overwhelmed at the thought but excited at the same time. We texted and planned. Today was the day. I had found out about a couple of consignment sales going on and we would need to go there first, then Babies R Us and of course, TARGET!

I picked her up and off we went. We talked about everyday things and we chatted about silly things. We even talked about how we all were feeling being Grandparents. It was absolutely amazing. Bo and Kaleb stopped in and said Hello while we were eating and then allowed us time to finish our shopping. We got some great deals on things she needed. We got a pack of diapers, wipes, lotion, baby wash and just odds and ends. We even found a bassinet for $12. We were both thrilled with that find!!!

We spent about 3hours together and both were tired. I took her to her place. She thanked me 100 times for her stuff and I left. I has been a long time coming! It's not perfect. It's not what I had envisioned 12 years ago but I will take it. To hear it come from her, and I quote...."I will do whatever I need, to provide for my baby" is Huge!!!!!!

To Him be The Glory!!!!!  Pondering His Goodness this evening.
Pam

Prayers and Praise

A post or 2 ago I mentioned my daughter Tonya was expecting a baby. She has been living in what I would call a boarding house. She has a room and then shares the living room and kitchen with the others in the house. We have been trying to encourage her to find a place. Her income of course is limited and it is such a process.

With a little one on the way she was becoming a bit more stressed over it. Well, today she called me. She as found a place. I'm so excitd I could bust. She goes on Thursday morning to go through the paperwork. Then she has an appt with the Salvation Army and qualifies for some free furniture. Praise God!!!!!!


I told her that I would get everyone I knew to be praying on Thursday morning. So, I'm asking, if you are reading this post, please pray for all to be approved and completed. This is a HUGE step for her!!!!!! So excited for her!!!! God will provide!

Thank you in advance for your prayers!!!!

Pam

Being Transparent

Well, it was "Fat Tuesday". The beginning of "Lint" for some. For others it is just the start of preparing for the coming Easter Season. I have read on Facebook of all the different things that people are giving up.  Some are giving up chocolate. Some are giving up Facebook. Some are giving up coffee and other coffee drinks. Some I heard on the radio are giving the money that they spend on other drinks like coffee, soft drinks, juices etc. and giving it to an organization.  Lots of impressive things.  Some are trying to change something they know they need to change like gossip or cussing. I was just pondering this and thinking through exactly how this will apply to me.  Is this something that I need to do?  They say that it takes 30 days to make a "habit" and maybe that is what some are thinking and hoping. I guess you could go so far as to say that it is also another opportunity to try again at that New Years Resolution that didn't happen. 
 
Anyway, all of that to say, I have been thinking.  I knew I needed to write this post for about a week and just needed to figure out how to put it into words. Being convicted of something, realizing what you are being convicted of and then know that He asks you to take it a step farther can make it very difficult to put things down in words.  At the same time, not doing it or continuing delay is disobedience.  My post on here have not been what they should be.  Not that they are bad or anything like that.  They are just not what they should have been.  I have literally had a time of just quiet.  This is not a bad thing but since it has continued for such a length of time, now being convicted, it is not Him that moved, it was Pam.  Back about 6 months or more, I was to teach a Bible Study. For whatever reason, that fell apart at the last minute.  I was devastated.  Then another opportunity arose and I was so excited about it that I was going to bust and before it even started it was gone because of my work schedule. That was just one of those things that I let get the best of me and it never should have.  Starting on 3rd shift has it's been a challenge.  It was very hard in the beginning but I am happy to say that I have now figured out my "schedule" as far as home life/exercise/work/extras.  I want so badly to return to Bible Study.  At this time, I don't see how it would work unless it was on a Sunday.  Even Saturdays are difficult because we as a family have so very much to do.  They actually started one this Tuesday.  I signed up for it. Paid for a book and praying that just having the book will give me the gumption to do the questions and read, even if I can't get to the class and see the DVD, I will at least be able to do the book. This have been a hard time. It almost felt as though I was drowning.  I had allowed my circumstances to dictate what I did, how I did it and what my response was.  It has been a very hard road but I am excited to see where the journey is going.  I have found out what I missing. I figured out where my priorities had been mislead.
 
Now that you know probably way more than you wanted to know, lets get back to the point.  So, here is my goal. For the next 40 days as we prepare for this time of the year known as Easter, my goal is focus on the days leading up to the crucifixion, the crucifixion, the 3 days and then the Resurrection.  Reading through the Gospels. Reading and really studying what all happened. We are studying John in Sunday School and it is just so rich.  I'm excited. It will be a challenge. It will be exciting. It will even be difficult. It's time to get in the Word. It's time to do what He wants me to do and for Pam to move. Pam to get her circumstances behind her. Pam to get close to her Lord once again. 
 
Can you relate? Have you moved? Have you changed? Does He seem quiet? 
 
For sure something to ponder today!!!!!
 

Re-Do

I was discussing in my last post about the elevator situation. I was reminded that I didn't explain what happened. The situation with this precious Dad and his little boy. We were not able to put the elevators on by-pass while they went down to the car. I was so frustrated that they had to ride the elevator during this time with the possibility of stopping 4 or 5 times on the way. That is when I wrote my letter to the President of Cone Health. He listened and actually responded. I was so excited. Now I am on a mission to follow up. I don't want any family to have to deal with that again.

Things

Things are going well.  We were struck with Stomach Bug this weekend.  It was rough but so very grateful that Little Man and Big Man (Kyle) did not get it.  It was one of those that just hits you and wears you completely out and makes you miserable.  It was rotten!!!!!!

Work is good.  I had written the other day about my experience on the Pediatric Unit.  I was so distressed over the whole elevator incident and wasn't sure who to talk to.  I decided to just go to the top and then see what would happen.  To be perfectly honest, I wasn't even sure if I would get a response.  I wrote my letter about my experience and guess what??? I got a response from the President of Cone Health.  I was totally impressed!!!!!!!  He agreed with me and has forwarded the letter to another person on the Cone Campus where I am at.  I was so grateful that at least he listened and acknowledged me.  It really helped me in trying to process that evening.  If anything will happen, I am not sure but I know I tried.  It was very encouraging. 

Can you believe summer will be here before you know it?  I'm amazed at how fast time flies.  It is just amazing.  Kaleb will actually start Kindergarten this year.  That will be a difficult day for sure but he is so excited!!!!!!  He will be going to Triad Baptist Academy.  That is something that I am so very grateful for.  They have helped him so much with letters and numbers and helping him to really get ready and being prepared for Kindergarten and we are just so very blessed. 

The idea of becoming a Grandma is sinking in a little bit.  At times it is so overwhelming but that is again where my 2 words for 2012 have to really kick in and realize that Desperate Dependence on Him is what is going to see me through and allow me to be what I need to be for her and for this little one.  Would really covet your prayers.  Hope you are doing well!!!!!!!  Please let me know what you are Desperately Depending on Him for so that we can pray for each other.....

Pondering and Praying,
Pam

Hard Night

Working in Flex at the hospital has its good points and not so good points. Working in a hospital has good points and not so good points. Tonight I arrived on the Peds unit. I like working here but we don't get used here a lot because Women's takes care of them. I walked in to find out that a precious 3 years old had passed and received his wings. My heart just sank. I was over-run with emotion. I have been on other units where we have had patients die. I handled it well. This was a 3 year old and I was just broken. About an hour and half later, I watched the funeral home come. The gentleman was very nice. He left the gurney at the door to the unit. Dad had asked to carry his son out and not to be put on the gurney. Everyone accommodated them. I looked up from my desk and this big strong Daddy walking down the hall with his precious little boy wrapped in a blue blanket with tears streaming down his face , surrounded by family that were trying so hard to be strong. I just lost it. I actually had to excuse my self to the restroom to get myself together. I wanted to run home and hold Kyle and Kaleb and at the same time, I was thanking the Lord for the healthy children that He has blessed me with. I don't know what exactly happened with this precious one but the Lord does. It was a moment I wont ever forget. I pray for them and the days ahead and learning to live without their Little Man. Hold them close. They are on loan to us!!!!!!

Pondering and praying,
Pam

Sharing Moment

I hinted the other day that I was relieved to be able to share with some friends something that has been weighing heavy on my mind. Well, every prayer that could be said, it much needed and appreciated.


I am going to be a Grandma. Tonya is expecting a baby boy at the end of April. This was a bit of a surprise and we chose not to share for a while. When I was convicted and realized that carrying this alone was not what I was to do and was able to share with some on Facebook and e-mails, I felt as if a load had been lifted. Tonya would be the first to tell you that life since her adoption has not been easy. Times have been difficult and trying but we are in a place where they seem to be pretty good. True, it could all change in a flash.
Some days I do pretty good and leave the whole situation at the foot of the cross.
Some days I lay it down and then I pick it back up in my arrogance thinking I can handle it.
Some days I just choose to take it with me and try to figure out what and how I need to handle this.
Scripture clearly states that we are not to worry about tomorrow. That is my goal. Not to worry about tomorrow but just live in the here and the now. That is all that this human heart and mind can handle and the rest will come.
He is bigger!
He is good!
He doesn't make mistakes!
He is in control!
These are the things that I remind myself on a daily basis.
As we prepare for the arrival of this little boy, we would covet your prayers and your support.
Pondering His Goodness,
Pam

Work

Work is going well. It's different every night. Sometimes it is just nuts and then there are nights that I think I will fall over because it is so very quiet. Quiet is good at times, but busy is better for me.


All of that being said, the other night I was sent to MAU (Maternity Admissions Unit). A lot of people are surprised that I didn't end up there to begin with anyway. I went. I was expecting a lot of activity and being busy. That was so not the case. They use a different program over in MAU that I don't have access to. I wasn't able to do anything. I was there for the phone and an extra pair of eyes. I got to meet and talk with some of the nurses. THEY WERE AWESOME!!!!! We talked about the funny things that have happened. The exciting times of Mom's walking in and catching a baby before they can get their vital signs taken. 2 or 3 of them are returning to school to become Midwives. It was just awesome being there. I so enjoyed it. When I initially went over they asked if I would be a "Tech". I told them that I couldn't.
It was one of those times that being there,
being in that environment,
being around "Birthy" people,
discussing "Birthy" things....
Oh the feelings, the emotions, the wishing, the thoughts were just flooding me as I left that morning. Tears filling my eyes and just praying.
I know I am where I am suppose to be.
I miss being in the middle of Mom's being pregnant.
I miss teaching.
I miss being a Doula.
I miss talking about "birthy" things.
I miss bellies and babies.
I just plain miss it.
(Can you tell??)

There is just not a way to get around my schedule and do what I was doing. I have thought about it, prayed about it and even begged but it just doesn't work. I pray that at some point, the Lord will let me return.

Thank You Jesus

This weekend was a release. A release of desperate dependence not only on my Lord but my friends. I was able to send a message to some. Email to some and share my heart of a burden. A burden I will share here once the words come the way the Lord wants them.

I can not do things on my own.
I can not carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.
I can trust my Jesus.
I can trust my Lord.
He never makes a mistake.
He is good.

After sharing this weekend, I entered this week with a clear head and a burden lifted. Do not carry your burdens alone. Let Him have them. He can handle it!!!!!!!!!

Ponder This.....
Pam

Desperate Dependence.....He Did It!!!!!!!

Ok, just hang on to this one. My words this year are Desperate Dependence on the Lord. So, before Christmas our microwave died. I mean ugly noises and still frozen food coming out of it. Took it out and got rid of it. Every weekend we would say, let's go get one. Well, every weekend a million things would come up. So I have learned to reheat on the stove. Yes, our parents and Grandparents did it before they invented microwaves.

Well, last week, I was ready to roast veggies. I was so excited!!!!! I could taste they already. I opened the oven and the heating element in the bottom was sparking and screaming red. Scared me to death!!!!! Turned it off and it was still going and getting worse. Hubby had to pull out the oven and unplug it before it would stop. I was terrified!!!!! Thank the Lord I was home!! Well, now we dont have a way to cook.....now what?????

We are wanting to get our condo ready for the market. We didn't want to go and buy my dream stove and microwave and then move. I was just praying and praying, Lord, what do you want us to do? How to we handle this? What do you wants to do?

I posted on my Facebook page about the stove. I get a message almost as quick as I posted. A great friend named Vera told me to call. So I did. She has a stove sitting in her garage and is tired of moving it around. Praise the Lord!!!! What do you want for it? NOTHING!!!!! I almost dropped the phone. Just get it out of my garage! Ok, we will be there Sunday. So very excited!!!!!! We get there. Get it loaded and I make the comment about getting a microwave.....well, He does it again..... She has a microwave sitting in the corner!!!!!! Oh my goodness!!!!! I am completely overwhelmed!!!!! Refusing to take any money we were talking about a precious new grand baby they are expecting.......so in return for this fabulous gift, I will be there as Britt's Doula!!!!!!(if she wants me there) What a treat!!!! What a blessing!!!! Desperate dependence is hard to learn but when He shows up like this. I wonder why I make it so difficult!!!!!!