Friday, October 29, 2010
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Today, I had "The Meeting". It took time and patience on my part more than anyone. I waited.
Was it difficult.....yes.
Was it worth it.....YES!!!!!!!!
I went to a meeting with my supervisor and 3 physicians and an extender. I was terrified BUT at the same time there was this overwhelming sense of peace. We know where that was coming from!!!!!!!!
I presented my proposal.
I used my research.
I answered some very difficult questions with confidence.
There is NO WAY!!!! I could have done it without HIM!!!!!!!!
It was absolutely amazing. I am exhausted but at the same time I want to bounce off of the ceiling!!!!!!! It was amazing!!!!!!!! He was sitting right there with me at that huge conference table that is so intimidating.
I can do nothing but Praise Him. It went Great!!!!! Now for more of the waiting. No change ever happens quickly. Especially in a large company. That is ok with me. It is just more time for research and more time for learning. Continue on with what has been started and just watch Him work. Trust and Obey is what He is asking of me.
Well, I am about to burst.....I had better stop typing and get this posted to share. Thank you for sharing in the journey.
Praising My Lord,
Doula Mama Pam
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I am a breast cancer survivor. I was diagnosed five years ago as of this November 1st. It was two days before my 35th birthday and I was pregnant with my fourth child at the time. In spite of all the uncertainty, fear, questions, anger, devastation, and heartbreak, I can look back now and see how God worked as the Master Planner and carried me every step of the way. My unborn son and my three small children (ages 6, 3, and 1 1/2 at the time) were exactly the motivation I needed to survive. My pregnancy was a miracle in itself and I had peace as I trusted that God allowed me to conceive this baby that I might raise him along with my three other children. He is now a very healthy, talkative, social, lovable 4 year old and we are so blessed!
Due to my young age at the time of diagnosis, I was tested for the BRCA gene and found that I have BRCA1, which predisposes for breast and ovarian cancer. With no family history of breast cancer, this was a shock. However, with the information that BRCA1 significantly increases the risk of ovarian cancer and recurrence of breast cancer, the decision to have a double mastectomy and have my ovaries removed was an easy decision to make. I wanted to do all I could, within my power, to maximize my chances of living a healthy life. As a result of having all of my God-given female parts removed :), I have a less than 5% chance of recurrence. I am so grateful for technology and the information it provides which can be used to save lives.
The past four years have been the best of my life. I am so thankful for a merciful God who preserved my life during a time when I did not know Him. Clearly, He knew the plans He had for me and didn't want me to miss them!
In His hands,
Thank you again Darlene for your willingness to share!!!!!!
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
I DID NOT come home from getting to go shopping with the Hubby to my parent's house and find out that Kaleb had had a great time.
I DID NOT walk into my parents bathroom and see very small whisps of hair lying on the bathroom floor.
I DID NOT just burst into laughter because "It was about time" that happened.
I DID NOT very calmly ask Kaleb what happened.
I DID NOT laugh when he continually changed the story all weekend to answer the question "Who cut your hair?" Papa Did, Mema Did, even blamed the poor scissors. It was a great laugh.
Of course there was not a lot of damage and you have to look close to see the "Kaleb V-Cut" right in the front middle.
How was your weekend?????
Monday, October 18, 2010
I thought I would share some notes with you that I took yesterday during the service. They spoke volumes to me. I pray that the Lord would use them to speak to you as well.
Text- Joshua 1:10-11 (we are going through the book of Joshua together as a church body)
Teacher- Rick Byrd
Theme- Moving Ahead in Faith
Take-A-Way- When God gives a special assignment, His people must move ahead in faith.
Question for me-
Will you accept God's assignment for your life? Are you willing to move ahead in faith to reach your promised land?
Well, right off the bat I knew that this message was the reason I was there. The night before, the Hubby and I had a conversation about "What I wanted to do when I grown up" (not in a negative sense but you know what I mean).
The Lord had given Joshua specific instructions. Joshua then took those instructions to the leaders in the camp and shared them. Joshua had taken the place of leadership. In that role of leadership, people were looking up to him. Rick talked about all of us being in places of leadership whether it was in our home, work, neighborhood, business owner, or even at church as a part of the staff or the Lay Ministry.
He talked about the 4 qualities of leadership.
1- He/She spends time with God.
Spending time in the Bible, Prayer, Meditating on Him and His word.
Do the people that you are in a leadership role, see you as a leader who spends time with God?
2- Take Tough Stands
Joshua had received his orders. What was he to do with them? Follow through and do what he was told.
How much are we willing to pay with sweat and work? Of course with taking a tough stand comes with criticism, fatigue, loneliness and rejection.
3. Delegates responsibility
Joshua ordered the officers. He uses the people according to their gifts.
What are you being asked to do according to your gifts? Are you using your gifts?
4. Plans Ahead
Joshua was ready to move ahead. There would be planning and the the action follow through of what he was asked to do.
a-Prepare- be ready and supplies ready
b-Pass over - Joshua told them that they will cross the Jordan. The word will is not in the future tense but in the confident resolve that it WILL happen.
c-Posses- take possession of the land.
Col 4:17- see to it to complete the work.
What encouragement this gave me. What power there is in His Word. I was once again amazed and could not help but just to praise Him for giving me exactly what I needed. Now comes that part that we all love.
What is my assignment from Him and What will I do once, He gives it to me? I think I have 3 choices. Of course, only one is the right choice.
1- Take it and act on it!!
2- Delay and wait for the entire plan to be laid out in front of me with a time line and details and all of the necessary cost that it will take.
3- Choose to do it MY way.
Obviously, we know what the answer to my part is. Now comes the waiting for the assignment. I can't help but to be excited!!!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Dealing with a lot that is going on right now, it was the PERFECT message that I needed to hear. I have no doubt that the Lord had me there. Right where I was suppose to be. It was one of those messages that I felt like the Lord had just for me.
Exactly what I was suppose to hear.
Exactly what I was to be praying about.
Exactly what I am to be doing and not doing.
Exactly what He wanted to say to me and He used Rick.
I always just stand in amazement of how He works. I realize more and more everyday who He is and what more He wants to show me. I will post at lunch the notes from the sermon yesterday and a link. If you need some encouragement today, I would challenge you to check it out. I leave you with a video. I am sure it has been posted before but can't help to share it again. Worship with me......
Laboring and Worshiping With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Friday, October 15, 2010
In the "medical world", a female patients medical record always includes a statement that reads, "gravida ___para___". "Gravida" means the number of pregnancies she has had, "Para" means the number of live births. My record states "Gravida 6, Para 2". Most women never read that part of their records, and if they do, probably don't know what it means. At a time in my young married life when many friends were planning what SEASON to have their baby in, we began to wonder whether it might happen for us at all. It seemed that many couples we knew were having no trouble with "starting a family". I didn't even know at the time of my first miscarriage that it WAS a miscarriage until it happened again. As we began a long road of infertility treatments, I saw the process in such a clinical and technical way, that I didn't even think of the first two miscarriages as the loss of a baby. I protected my mind and heart that way. Because Rick and I were so grieved over not being able to have a baby that the grief of the miscarriages just became a part of it all. The Lord never let us fall apart at the same time. I came home from work one day and there was a wet spot on the living room floor. I looked up to see if there was a leak in the ceiling. I found out that Rick had been on his face before the Lord, weeping and pleading with Him for a child, or for relief from the horrible emptiness of wanting one so badly. I usually did my crying in the bathroom at the hospital where I worked, after another negative pregnancy test, then pulled it together on the 30 mile drive home. Rick and I finally came to a point where we agreed before the Lord that if he did not will for us to be parents, we would love Him no matter what, and continue to look to Him to fill all the desires of our heart. After almost 5 years and test after test, God gave us our son, Trent. I thought that everything had finally been addressed and, "all the parts were working now".. The same problem continued and when the third and fourth miscarriage occurred, I still had an "unattached" feeling about those lost babies. God did bless us again, after more treatment and tests, with Hannah. It was not until a short time later, when Trent asked whether we could have more children for him to play with, that I shared that we had some babies who "had not been able to be born". I am absolutely positive that I shared way too much information to that little boy! Being the brilliant, and insightful child that he was, he asked, "Well are they in Heaven with Jesus?" My heart and mind were suddenly opened! They were! They are! And like Trent said; "We'll get to play with them up there!" I finally allowed my heart to attach to those four babies, with God using a six year old to help me see! I can't wait to meet my other four children!
This next one is from a sweet friend named Dana. I was blessed to teach her oldest in Pre-School and fell in love with his name. They even spell is differently, just like us. I know this was not an easy thing for her to do but I have had the priviledge to watch her grow so much in the Lord. Thank you Dana for sharing!!!!!!!
Well I am not sure where to start. In June of 1998 we were blessed with a little baby boy. He was our joy and had our heart. We didn’t think we would ever have another child. Our son had been through so much his first year of life. He had two surgeries one at 5 weeks old and then right before a year old. When he was about 6 months old I started to having problems with my eyes. All the medications that I was on for my eyes could cause birth defects that would show up on the face of the child. So we were not planning on having anymore. God had other plans for us. In 2002 my blood pressure went way high and so the doctor took me off of the pill. Within weeks it happened. I was having a baby. We were a little scared due to all the medications that I had been on but we knew God would take care of us. So we went to the doctor as planned at 9 weeks and everything was great. I was suppose to go back in 4 weeks but that didn’t happen. I had went on a trip with my mom and I started having back pain. So when I got home I rested thinking I was tried. Over the next few days I spotted some and called the doctor and they asked me to come in. My doctor was out so I saw another one. He walked in the room and went to check me and said that I was not measuring 12 weeks like I should be. So he order a ultrasound and that showed no heart beat and I was only measuring 8 weeks. So I went back to work thinking I could work the rest of the day. My husband got to my work and I lost it. I had to tell him that we lost the baby. I couldn’t believe that God would do this to us. I was mad that I was going to have to tell my 4 year old son that we were not going to have a baby. I didn’t want to go to church anymore. I was so mad that God took this baby away from me. The next day I went in for my D and C and begged for a ultrasound just to make sure. I wanted to see if they were wrong. The doctor wouldn’t do one he could tell I was still upset. I took the next week off. I spent a lot of time wanting to know why this happened. One of my friends reminded that God gave us his son and now my baby was with him. He/she was in a place with the greatest gift of all our Father. Then I couldn’t be mad anymore I was still sad at times. I am not going to tell you that it didn’t take some time to get passed it. By June of that year I was having a baby again. God blessed my family with a healthy little girl. In our eyes she was perfect in every way. Now I cant think of my life with out going through this because I would not have my little girl. Both of my children have blessed me more than I can say. Every year on my due date ,Sept 15, I think about my baby who I will know one day when I get to my Fathers house. I had a ring made with all three of my childrens birthstones in it. I have a piece of each one of them with me daily. A lot of people ask me about that ring and I freely tell them it is for my children. Some look at me like you only have 2 children and ask about the other one. I get to tell them it is in my Fathers hand in heaven.
This precious lady is named Cindy. She is a very dear friend of mine. She meets with me and we get to encourage each other over Mexican food and of course, you know there is always cheese dip. She shared hers in the comments and I chose to bring it to the post as well. I was hoping she would. I had not asked her because she is sooooo very busy. She and her family are preparing to go to Spain as missionaries. All of that being said, she has shared her story and I want to share it with you as well.
My records would read Gravida 10 Para 3. I had 6 miscarriages, one ectopic pregnancy, and 3 live births. When asked how I survived that many losses I only can answer that through the grace of God and a similar reaction to Nancy. The hurt had to become seperated from reality. I had to at times look at the loss with a clinical approach. There were days I yelled, screamed, hollered, stomped my feet and shook my fists, there were other days that I cried from sun up to sun down, and then there were days where I just sat in silence.We lost our first child in 1988. He/She was due on mother's day of 1989. Mother's day have never been the same. Yes, I celebrate the lives of the three children he blessed me with, but still 22 years later that lump in the throat still returns and my arms still ache to hold the children who I never saw.God has been faithful and true to hold me in the hurt and to enable me to share with women in a way that I never thought possible. Just yesterday I got to speak to a lady who lost a child. We were able to share the guilt we felt as if it were our own fault and the anger from words said without thinking. God has redeemed the lost and the hurt, but I cannot wait for the day that I will sit around the throne with ALL my 10 children and worship the Lord together.Thank you so much for sharing. What a blessing!!!!!!
Laboring and Praying With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
I will be sharing his story very soon. I am almost finished writing but need to add the pictures. She is the Mom of Parker that I wrote about last September. Jackson was a complete suprise to us but not to the Lord. Nothing suprises Him.
It was a bit longer than her last delivery but she was what you would call in the Doula/Childbirth Educator/Midwife world "A strong and powerful Mama"!!!!!!! The amazing part is that I have watched this young lady grow up to be a super wife and mother.
We actually had 2 physicians. One in surgery and checking between cases and one had to come flying over when Jackson was almost here. It was just an awesome day.
It never ceases to amaze me that when I get to the point when I really think that "this is not working, and I need to regroup" that the Lord just blesses my socks off with such an exciting day and birth and just reassures me, I am right where I am suppose to be.
I will try and get everything up this evening.........stay tuned......of course, plenty of pictures.
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
"What He can do for you" and we don't stop and think about WHO He is. So taking that a little further it made me stop and think Who He Is to Me............................. I think it is awesome how He is working because in BSF we were challenged to keep track of all the names of God that we find as we study.
So, here is my list.......
Friend that never leaves
The Lover of my soul
Source of Help
Giver of Life
Lion of Judah
So, this is my list (just to get started).......what does yours look like? Get one started and share it.......WHAT is HE TO YOU!!!!!!!???????
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Monday, October 11, 2010
First, it was not meant to be shared as a "Pity Party for Pam". It was not meant as a "Poor Pitiful Pam" post either.
The reason for the post was to
First- share what was going on at the time.
Secondly (and most importantly)- was to show you something above all.
HE IS ANSWERING!!!!
I shared what was going on and the anxiety and the stress and the tension and the overwhelming sense that "I can't do this anymore".
Have you felt that way?
Have you felt like that today?
Do you know someone that is feeling that way that is looking to you for help and support?
The point of the post
When we take things into
You see where this is going??????
When on the other side is waiting our Heavenly Father that loves us more than we can ever fathom. He will allow us sometimes to let us work as "we" see fit and when we hit the bottom and have put ourselves into a frenzy and can't figure out what is wrong and why we feel the way we do and we are discouraged and down and overwhelmed,
He is waiting and reminds you...
You can do nothing but just Praise Him at that moment for the sweet release. He already knows and He is just waiting for you. He didn't leave you. He never will. We just get busy trying to "help Him". Do you see the difference? Have you experienced it? He's just waiting for you. Let Him take it. He loves you so very much!!!!!!!!!!
So you see, it was not a pity party or a poor pitiful me post. It was a testimony of Praise as to what He is doing in my life and I pray that is what He is doing in yours. Have an awesome Monday!!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Friday, October 8, 2010
I was diagnosed with breast cancer in December of 1993. My cancer was found only because my daughter, Pam, insisted that I have a physical and a mammogram done. The cancer showed up on my mammogram. Because it was found early, I was advised to have only radiation treatments. I began my treatments in January of 1994 and completed them on April 15, 1994. Since that time, I have been cancer-free. During that time, it was prayers and support of family and friends that got me through the difficult days. I thank God that my daughter insisted on the mammogram.
I would encourage every woman to have a mammogram each year, and I am faithful in doing that now. I am living proof that mammograms and prayer works.
Thanks for sharing!!!!!! Love you!!!!!
Doula Mama Pam
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Why struggle you say?????
Well, Pam has been very focused on "What Pam wants to do" and not "what the Lord wants Pam to do".
I want to share some examples and this is really difficult because they may not make sense to those who do not know me very well. If you know me and know my heart, you will totally understand.
So, here we go.....
First, with work. Yes, I love the office. We all get a long fine and the doctors are great. My frustration arises out of the fact that I get so fed up with pushing papers and dealing with insurance and dealing with precert this and precert that. Insurances dictating what can and cannot be done and trying to explain that to patients is very frustrating at times. I want so badly to interact with our pregnant mom's and their families and walk through this time in their life with them all the way through delivery. I put together a packet/proposal for our office to offer something new and exciting for our patients and for us to "be out of the box" in the Triad. A lot of work, prayer, tears and sweat. Presented it and NOTHING!!!! was said!!!!! Not ONE WORD!!!!!! I was angry, sad, devastated and ready to throw my hands up and say "I give up". I have since calmed down and realized for whatever reason it maybe wait but not to stop reading and educating myself and in that I LOVE IT!!!! If that means I need to wait--then we wait.....Do I like it??? Yes and No. I want it NOW but at the same time I want it when He wants it.
Second, I was beginning to wonder if Mothering the Mother was really going to work and be productive to the point of being able to do it fulltime at some point. With the frustration at work, I questioned and doubted and became really down and very hard on myself. What was the matter? What was I doing wrong? THEN........(you will have to hang on for a minute)
Thirdly, He placed me in BSF (Bible Study Fellowship) to study the book of Isaiah. I am so excited and so thrilled with this. It requires discipline and work and study and prayer and digging into the word. It is such a blessing of which I just so grateful for.
ANSWERS to ALL of my worries, concerns and frustrations........sitting in the car
We(as a family) decided to go to Georgia this year for Thanksgiving. Can't tell you what that means. Anyway, with the decision to go to Georgia makes the choice in what I can do as far as being a Doula. That is ok. Not a problem. I mentioned earlier about the worry of being able to keep Mothering The Mother up because I had not had a lot of contacts etc. WELL, I ended up being contacted by several Moms. By several I mean 6. Yes, 6!!!!! I am only able to take on one because her due date is in December. That rolls into the work and the frustration there. Not being able to take on the ones in November and the one that found someone while I was on vacation. I don't have to worry about being gone from work while a co-worker, that I will be covering for, will be away for over a week on a cruise. It takes a HUGE amount of stress off trying to figure out how to juggle work and being a Doula but HE always manages it just beautifully. In a post a little later on I will tell you about my proposal that I came up with for work. It's exciting and I so desire to follow it through. Yes, I will wait on my Lord to tell me when.
All of this being said- The Lord put me in BSF to be with all of these 600 women. My small group of just precious women. My group leader is fabulous!!!!!! I sat in the parking lot this past Monday night and really even struggled with getting out of the car and going in because I was so totally down. I mean to the point of tears. The Lord spoke so clear. HE IS IN CONTROL! TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF AND WATCH ME WORK!!!!!! I could do nothing but cry. I am sure the women walking by my car were wondering what I was doing. They were not tears of sadness or sorrow but of a huge burden lifted. He knows my heart. He knows my desires. I believe He put them there. Since Monday, of the 6 Mom's that contacted me that I mentioned above, 4 were after Monday. HE IS SO GOOD!!!!!! Am I still stressed? Yes, it creeps in but I just go back to "open-handed Pam"
I am doing so much reading and researching and working on "self-educating" that it just gets so exciting. I love it!!!!!!!! I came home the other night with a research study and was just about to bust to show it to my hubby. It just tickles me to death when he reads it and agrees with me.
Ok, I could keep going on and on and on but I will stop for now. What is He doing in your life? Has He told you to take your hands off of something? Did you? There is such sweet surrender in that. Don't get me wrong....I still want to grab it and run with it but He just reminds me, "Let me do this FOR YOU." Imagine what He can do with it that I can't........PRAISE HIM!!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
After the race we went to the Dixie Classic Fair.....FUN!!!!!! Kaleb rode his first roller-coaster with me. It was so much fun. I asked him this morning if he enjoyed ridding on the WORM at the Fair and he said VERY clearly "NO"!!!!!! Of course I took pictures of everything possible that you can get that is fried. I think I got nauseated from just reading the signs. It is just GROSS!!!!!!!
We finally made it home after a very LONG dinner- I will explain that later. It is a post all by itself. We were exhausted!!!!!!!!!!!
I had mentioned in my last post that I was going to get some "Breast Cancer Testimonies". I am excited to say that I know of 3 on the way and I have 2 already. Of course if you have one that you would like to share, please feel free to do so. I would love to hear them.
Last but not least.....I have been contacted to start an ICAN Group in the Triad. I am so excited but so nervous. I have a lot of reading to see about all of that but it's such an honor to be contacted. Oh, ICAN is the International Cesarean Awareness Network. They have awesome information on their website. Feel free to look them up. More on that later.
Thanks for checking in......oh one more thing......we are STILL waiting on a little boy to chose when he would like to celebrate his birthday...........I will keep you posted!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam
Friday, October 1, 2010
It has been a VERY long week after coming in from being gone for almost 2 weeks but I would do it again tomorrow if the opportunity came up. The old saying that you need a vacation from your vacation.....yeah, that is what I need. I was actually kidding with my husband this morning because he hasn't unpacked yet from the beach. I told him he was in denial that we were not there anymore.
What do you have planned for the weekend?????
Ours is just going to be crazy. Bo has to work 4 hours on Saturday and Sunday. While he is doing that, I get to go run in a race. It's the Women's Only 5K Walk/Run. Our local hospital sponsors it and all of the funds raise go to support the Mammogram Scholarship for those women that don't have insurance and need a mammogram. Well worth it to go and even if you don't run, to just walk is GREAT!!!!!!
Breast Cancer touches so many women and families. I know it has touched ours. My Mother's Mother (My Granny) had Breast Cancer and my Mom had Breast Cancer. Both of which are Survivors and my "Other Grandmother" Mama Jean had Breast Cancer just in the last 2 years and she of course is a Survivor as well. Maybe since it is October and Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I can get some testimonies to post from Family, Friends to share and encourage.
Of course, there is a little one waiting to make his grand entrance into this world. We are really praying it will be this weekend. Mom did a fabulous job last time. 4 hours!!!!! First baby!!!! Incredible!!!!!!! Strong and Powerful Mama!!!!!! Keeping the phone close......of course, get to work with my Midwifery Doctor which is just awesome!!!!!!!!
Sunday of course is always the best day of the week. Can't wait!!!!!!!!! Get my baby fix on Sunday night keeping the nursery. They will be rotten when they leave!!!!!!!
I'll try and post some pictures from the beach. We had such a good time. LOVED IT!!!!!
Have an awesome weekend!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam