Friday, October 15, 2010

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day-updated- updated again

Today, October 15th, is a special day. Maybe a bittersweet day for some. Maybe you have a close friend, a family member or someone that is especially close to you that has lost a little one. Maybe it was due to miscarriage. Maybe it was in those early days in a NICU or even due to SIDS or an illness. It is a feeling and experience I would NEVER want anyone to experience. I follow many different blogs. Some are the fun ones. Some are the crafty. Some are the Pregnancy/Childbirth/Doula etc. blog. A lot of them are precious women that have lost one child and even some have lost more. I am encouraged and amazed by their strength, their faith in The Father and their commitment to the Lord. Last year I shared my experience with miscarriage. It was a very trying time and one I don't want to repeat. At the same time, because of that experience, I can help, understand and minister to those that are in that place of loss through miscarriage. This year, I chose to ask 2 people to share their experience. This can be difficult but it is a blessing to hear the encouragement. The first is our Pastor's Wife. Her name is Nancy. She is just a wonderful woman. Funny, encouraging, passionate about her ministry and a huge heart for the Lord and for her family. She and Rick have 2 children, Trent and Hannah. Below is her story and experience. I hope that it is a blessing to you. If you would like to leave a prayer request, please do so in the comments. Nancy, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING!!!!!!!!

In the "medical world", a female patients medical record always includes a statement that reads, "gravida ___para___". "Gravida" means the number of pregnancies she has had, "Para" means the number of live births. My record states "Gravida 6, Para 2". Most women never read that part of their records, and if they do, probably don't know what it means. At a time in my young married life when many friends were planning what SEASON to have their baby in, we began to wonder whether it might happen for us at all. It seemed that many couples we knew were having no trouble with "starting a family". I didn't even know at the time of my first miscarriage that it WAS a miscarriage until it happened again. As we began a long road of infertility treatments, I saw the process in such a clinical and technical way, that I didn't even think of the first two miscarriages as the loss of a baby. I protected my mind and heart that way. Because Rick and I were so grieved over not being able to have a baby that the grief of the miscarriages just became a part of it all. The Lord never let us fall apart at the same time. I came home from work one day and there was a wet spot on the living room floor. I looked up to see if there was a leak in the ceiling. I found out that Rick had been on his face before the Lord, weeping and pleading with Him for a child, or for relief from the horrible emptiness of wanting one so badly. I usually did my crying in the bathroom at the hospital where I worked, after another negative pregnancy test, then pulled it together on the 30 mile drive home. Rick and I finally came to a point where we agreed before the Lord that if he did not will for us to be parents, we would love Him no matter what, and continue to look to Him to fill all the desires of our heart. After almost 5 years and test after test, God gave us our son, Trent. I thought that everything had finally been addressed and, "all the parts were working now".. The same problem continued and when the third and fourth miscarriage occurred, I still had an "unattached" feeling about those lost babies. God did bless us again, after more treatment and tests, with Hannah. It was not until a short time later, when Trent asked whether we could have more children for him to play with, that I shared that we had some babies who "had not been able to be born". I am absolutely positive that I shared way too much information to that little boy! Being the brilliant, and insightful child that he was, he asked, "Well are they in Heaven with Jesus?" My heart and mind were suddenly opened! They were! They are! And like Trent said; "We'll get to play with them up there!" I finally allowed my heart to attach to those four babies, with God using a six year old to help me see! I can't wait to meet my other four children!


This next one is from a sweet friend named Dana. I was blessed to teach her oldest in Pre-School and fell in love with his name. They even spell is differently, just like us. I know this was not an easy thing for her to do but I have had the priviledge to watch her grow so much in the Lord. Thank you Dana for sharing!!!!!!!

Well I am not sure where to start. In June of 1998 we were blessed with a little baby boy. He was our joy and had our heart. We didn’t think we would ever have another child. Our son had been through so much his first year of life. He had two surgeries one at 5 weeks old and then right before a year old. When he was about 6 months old I started to having problems with my eyes. All the medications that I was on for my eyes could cause birth defects that would show up on the face of the child. So we were not planning on having anymore. God had other plans for us. In 2002 my blood pressure went way high and so the doctor took me off of the pill. Within weeks it happened. I was having a baby. We were a little scared due to all the medications that I had been on but we knew God would take care of us. So we went to the doctor as planned at 9 weeks and everything was great. I was suppose to go back in 4 weeks but that didn’t happen. I had went on a trip with my mom and I started having back pain. So when I got home I rested thinking I was tried. Over the next few days I spotted some and called the doctor and they asked me to come in. My doctor was out so I saw another one. He walked in the room and went to check me and said that I was not measuring 12 weeks like I should be. So he order a ultrasound and that showed no heart beat and I was only measuring 8 weeks. So I went back to work thinking I could work the rest of the day. My husband got to my work and I lost it. I had to tell him that we lost the baby. I couldn’t believe that God would do this to us. I was mad that I was going to have to tell my 4 year old son that we were not going to have a baby. I didn’t want to go to church anymore. I was so mad that God took this baby away from me. The next day I went in for my D and C and begged for a ultrasound just to make sure. I wanted to see if they were wrong. The doctor wouldn’t do one he could tell I was still upset. I took the next week off. I spent a lot of time wanting to know why this happened. One of my friends reminded that God gave us his son and now my baby was with him. He/she was in a place with the greatest gift of all our Father. Then I couldn’t be mad anymore I was still sad at times. I am not going to tell you that it didn’t take some time to get passed it. By June of that year I was having a baby again. God blessed my family with a healthy little girl. In our eyes she was perfect in every way. Now I cant think of my life with out going through this because I would not have my little girl. Both of my children have blessed me more than I can say. Every year on my due date ,Sept 15, I think about my baby who I will know one day when I get to my Fathers house. I had a ring made with all three of my childrens birthstones in it. I have a piece of each one of them with me daily. A lot of people ask me about that ring and I freely tell them it is for my children. Some look at me like you only have 2 children and ask about the other one. I get to tell them it is in my Fathers hand in heaven.

This precious lady is named Cindy. She is a very dear friend of mine. She meets with me and we get to encourage each other over Mexican food and of course, you know there is always cheese dip. She shared hers in the comments and I chose to bring it to the post as well. I was hoping she would. I had not asked her because she is sooooo very busy. She and her family are preparing to go to Spain as missionaries. All of that being said, she has shared her story and I want to share it with you as well.

My records would read Gravida 10 Para 3. I had 6 miscarriages, one ectopic pregnancy, and 3 live births. When asked how I survived that many losses I only can answer that through the grace of God and a similar reaction to Nancy. The hurt had to become seperated from reality. I had to at times look at the loss with a clinical approach. There were days I yelled, screamed, hollered, stomped my feet and shook my fists, there were other days that I cried from sun up to sun down, and then there were days where I just sat in silence.We lost our first child in 1988. He/She was due on mother's day of 1989. Mother's day have never been the same. Yes, I celebrate the lives of the three children he blessed me with, but still 22 years later that lump in the throat still returns and my arms still ache to hold the children who I never saw.God has been faithful and true to hold me in the hurt and to enable me to share with women in a way that I never thought possible. Just yesterday I got to speak to a lady who lost a child. We were able to share the guilt we felt as if it were our own fault and the anger from words said without thinking. God has redeemed the lost and the hurt, but I cannot wait for the day that I will sit around the throne with ALL my 10 children and worship the Lord together.

Thank you so much for sharing. What a blessing!!!!!!

Laboring and Praying With You,
Doula Mama Pam

1 comment:

Cindy H said...

My records would read Gravida 10 Para 3. I had 6 miscarriages, one ectopic pregnancy, and 3 live births. When asked how I survived that many losses I only can answer that through the grace of God and a similar reaction to Nancy. The hurt had to become seperated from reality. I had to at times look at the loss with a clinical approach. There were days I yelled, screamed, hollered, stomped my feet and shook my fists, there were other days that I cried from sun up to sun down, and then there were days where I just sat in silence.

We lost our first child in 1988. He/She was due on mother's day of 1989. Mother's day have never been the same. Yes, I celebrate the lives of the three children he blessed me with, but still 22 years later that lump in the throat still returns and my arms still ache to hold the children who I never saw.

God has been faithful and true to hold me in the hurt and to enable me to share with women in a way that I never thought possible. Just yesterday I got to speak to a lady who lost a child. We were able to share the guilt we felt as if it were our own fault and the anger from words said without thinking.

God has redeemed the lost and the hurt, but I cannot wait for the day that I will sit around the throne with ALL my 10 children and worship the Lord together.