Sunday, February 15, 2009

Life is Difficult Sometimes


I just need to vent sometimes and type things out that I can't put into words. Most of you who read this blog know that I have a "special" daughter. She came to us (Jim and I) when she was 8. She has some major issues and comes from a pretty rough background even at the the age of 8, there were problems.

Since Jim and I seperated, divorced and now both of us are remarried, things have gotten worse. She doesn't live with Jim and Lynn and she doesn't live with me and Bo. She is currently in a group home. Her outburst are awful. She can be physcially and verbally abusive one minute and the next, act as though it never happened. We as a team have bent over backwards to do the therapy, the meetings, the moving from level to level of care, the psych appts, you name it, we have been there and done it.

Saturday was the breaking point I think for just about all of us. It was soooo hard emotionally, mentally, and physically. We recieved a call about 1:30pm that there had been an incident at the home where she was and that she had left, the police had arrived and they were searching for her. As of about 10:30pm last night (Saturday) we still had not heard anything, no one had seen her and we had NO clue where she was. At this point it is every parent's worse nightmare that your child is being abused, molested, taken advantage of, drugged up, using drugs, or laying dead in a ditch somewhere and you are absolutely helpless. All you can do is lay in your bed and pray. Pray that He is in control and that He will take care of her even when she doesn't want it.

Sunday morning she called here about 8:30am just kind of matter-a-fact. She had spent the night somewhere on the ground while a "friend' watched over her so no one would mess with her. The police were called and she was taken to jail kicking , screaming, and saying things that would make a sailor blush. We as a group made a VERY difficult decision to have her stay in jail until her court date. How difficult is that? Telling a Magistrate that you won't be coming to get her. Yes, I realize it's called tough love. I know that. It still hurts though. It's difficult to talk about and not shed some tears. I know that she has some issues that may never be "cured" and there are things that I may never this side of Glory understand but it's just a difficult place to be. I'm a bit overwhelmed. I usually try to look at circumstances and situations and try to see what He is trying to show me or teach me. At this point in time, I can't see past the end of my nose. I just know what I am hanging on for dear life to His robe. I only pray that someday she will get it. She might never know or understand but ONE DAY I just pray that she will.!!!!!!!! Just keep her and our family in your prayers.

Doula Mama (Pam)

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