A New Look At Life

Well, things are for sure different. I don't think it is a mistake that I am in the midst of reading this book Dangerous Surrender.  I know for sure it is not. Why do I say that?
Well, Friday afternoon I was told that due to economics I was being laid-off.
What did you say?
What just happened?
Where in the world did that come from?
Well, I was in a state of shock because I had the mind set of "that won't happen to me" and it did.  The company that I worked for, even in the medical world, is experiencing financial difficulties.  Last year they laid off 15.  Then as the year has gone on, we have received word through out the months that more had been laid off.  With each one, we would worry about when it was getting to our site. Well.....it did. 
I had always seen myself as the one that was indispensable.  I FOR SURE DO NOT MEAN THAT IN AN ARROGANT WAY!!!!!  I had been there, almost 8 years and when asked, I would work up front, work in the clinical, and pretty much work wherever they needed or wanted me. 
Anyone had a question- they came to me.
Anyone needed to vent- they came to me.
Anyone needed to cry-they were in my office
Anyone had a prayer request- they were in my office.
Do you see what I am getting at?  I thought I had done everything "right" in their eyes and I would be "safe" if it came around.
Funny that when I look back on the past months that I can see things changing, now that I am not there. 
Every one's question is "What are you going to do?" or "Tell me more!" or "I am so sorry."
I appreciate and covet your prayers.  I know that I am in need of them. 
At the same time, there is nothing really to tell.  Lay-offs got to our office and they got me.
This is my view at present.....
I have an AWESOME husband who calmed me down when I thought my world had come crashing down on Friday afternoon. He told me "It's OK, we will be fine, now it's time to see what's in store."
I have an AWESOME GOD!!!!  He knows my heart. He knows my passion. He created me for Him.
I have AWESOME parents.  I couldn't call them on Friday because I was to busy blubbering and when I had calmed down, they both called and just encouraged me and reminded me again that they are supportive and love me and the God has a plan.
I have a huge AWESOME network of friends that I love dearly. The FACEBOOK page has just lights up with comments, messages and prayers.  I just love it.
I have AWESOME kids. Kyle was so encouraging when I got home on Friday.  I am soooo grateful for him. Kaleb has no idea what is going on but has been so loving.
Do you know what you are going to do?
NOT A CLUE at this point.  Of course, the normal stuff at first with this and that and of course just seeking out what He wants me to do. I still will be a Doula. I'm still teaching Childbirth Education Classes and of course going to BSF.  I really feel like a blank canvas at this point.  Just laying on the ground or sitting on the easel and waiting for Him to just paint me and show me what He wants from me. 
I'm excited.
I'm overwhelmed.
I still moments of panic
I'm nervous.
I'm in awe.
I'm thrilled.
I'm work-stress free.
I'm free.
It's just about what He wants and how He is going to work it out.  God is good.  He is good all the time. He is in control. He has a plan. He has a plan for me. Now, I hope you will join me on this journey. I'll have Chapter 4 up tomorrow and you will see how fitting it is. 
Thanks for stopping by. 

Doula Mama Pam

Dangerous Surrender 3

OK, well, I have to first tell you that I absolutely loved this chapter.  This was the chapter that was a chapter of remembering.  Those 4 words that she used through out the chapter were words that I can so easily relate to.  I have experienced them full force.  It is like nothing that you can ever explain.  "Gloriously Ruined" and "Seriously Disturbed". 
Like she said in the book, when we think of those and use the word seriously disturbed, we typically think of someone with a mental illness or someone that may have shattered under the weight of this world.  In this book, it is totally different and that is what I just loved. 
Let's get to a question or 2......
1- Putting "gloriously ruined" in your own words......
WOW, I wish I had know about this terminology a long time ago.  It would have been so much easier to explain.  Going on a mission trip will always leave you gloriously ruined.  I have been blessed to be a part of mission trips since I was just a teen and even before that.  I can remember living in Georgia (until the age of 12) and going on a mission trip with the church and riding in a school bus that my Dad was driving.  Talk about a L-O-N-G trip...... but I know we were on a mission trip.  I have had the opportunity to travel to Ukraine twice, India twice and Nepal once.  Those for me were truly times of being "gloriously ruined" and "Seriously disturbed".  I am sure that even to this day, people still probably think that I am "ruined and disturbed".  There is something about reading the magazine, seeing it on TV, hearing about it from a missionary, reading it in a book and when you step off the plane, and it smacks you square in the face..........you can not help but be "gloriously ruined" and "seriously disturbed".  Even to this day, going to Ukraine, there is not a time that I don't eat mashed potatoes or beets or cook sausage -kielbasa- for my husband that I don't get the rush of memories and faces of those precious women.  There is not a time that I don't see a couple from India that I just want to stop and ask, "What state are you from?" "Do you now how to prepare Chi?" "Can you tell me about your family?"  I can go into my closet and find my Salwar that I have that I have even worn to church in the past 6 months to make people think and cause questions about "What in the world are you wearing?"  I have a passion for India.  I love Indian food.  I love the people. I love the culture. I love those precious children.  Their beautiful skin, those beautiful dark eyes that can look straight through to your heart and know if you are falling in love with them.  Yes, there is the other side of India.  The Hindu culture and religion.  It is something for me as a Christian that I can not wrap my head around.  Reasoning of serving a million gods that makes no sense to me. Reasoning that everything is a god. The simplicity of Christ and the offer of salvation is such a simple message.  I do not understand but that won't stop me from praying for them. I also have been to Nepal.  This is the one that can really hit home with Kay and the AIDS epidemic and how people will disown their own family.  We had the privilege of going to a Leper colony.  It was an experience like nothing else.  I saw men and women, missing toes, fingers, noses, hands and feet.  It was absolutely gloriously ruining experience.  I remember being called in to a small room.  Sitting on the floor and listening to a "sermon" from the Pastor.  I can remember the smells, the tears that burned my eyes for that hour and half sitting there.  I remember seeing the kitchen and watching this precious Saint stick her small little hand into the boiling hot water to get out the boiled eggs that they had prepared for us for a snack.  You see, with Leprosy, you don't have feeling in your fingers.  I am hear to tell you that standing on the roof of that flat top home I enjoyed the BEST boiled eggs, cookie (cracker), and Chi-Tea that I have ever had in my life.  The pastor there knitted.  He knitted with out fingers!!!!!!!  He knitted wool sweaters.  Sweaters that you could only wear in a Nepal winter.  I HAVE ONE!!!!  A treasure that I will always treasure!!!!! 
I can honestly say, I have experienced and still experiencing being "Gloriously Ruined" and "Seriously Disturbed"  I have experienced "Life before Ukraine/India/Nepal" and "Life after Ukraine/India/Nepal".
What about you?  Have you ever experienced this?  Do you want to?  I can only pray that you do!!!!!!!

I am excited about Chapter 4.  I am working on the post.........WOW WHAT A BOOK!!!!!!
Doula Mama Pam

Let's Pray.....
Father, I confess that asking you to ruin me is something I'm still considering.  I'm not sure I'm ready to ask you to do it.  I don't know the implications of such a radical surrender.  I want to be ready.  Will you begin to rearrange me and my way of doing life?  I want to create space in my heart for hurting people.  Help me to grow every day in my willingness to let you gloriously ruin me. Amen

Lots Of Changes

Well, there sure was a lot of changes over the last 24 hours to the blog.
 I would love your input. 
What do you think?
What do you think about the pages?
I had 3 blogs and it was to much. I have a website to for Mothering The Mother and I was feeling totally overwhelmed and not sure where I had posted what.
Some of you visit for the "Birthy" things and some visit because the are "Lurking" and some visit because they enjoy reading.  Anyway, it's all together.  I realize that some don't like the "Birthy" stuff so I will try and remember to put that in the title of the post. 

I do want your feedback....... be honest!!!!!!!

Doula Mama Pam

Chapter 3- Tease

Just as an FYI!!!!!!  I have read Chapter 3 today during lunch.  I have experienced this before.
Here is a teaser for Saturday's post---(especially if you don't have the book)

"Seriously Disturbed" and "Gloriously Ruined"  I'm loving this!!!!!!  Got any thoughts on these 2 "terms" for the book??????

Guess you will have to wait a few more days........

Doula Mama Pam

CONFESSION TIME!!!!!

Thank you so much for the comments on the last post.  Can't tell you what that means. 
I noted what Cindy said.  Confession-----I'm nervous to even start it.  I'm still struggling with Chapter 2.

I also have to confess that the WITTY in Chapter 2 keeps coming back.  That is a difficult one!!!!!!!  Not to mention when she talks about "Surrender leads to peace"....OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!  This has been a time for me.  I have spent so much time beating my fist against His chest and I just need to quit!!!!!!! 

This, next to scripture, has been the most challenging thing I have read in a VERY long time!!!!!!!!!

What have you read lately that has been a challenge?  I am starting Chapter 3 today.  Would appreciate your prayers!!!!!!!!

Doula Mama Pam

Dangerous Surrender - Chapter 2

If you missed chapter 1, you can scroll down and read that chapter. That will give you an idea of where we are going and where we are headed. This was a tough chapter for me because it hit so close to home. If you are reading it, you may know exactly what I am talking about. It just shows how selfish we are. We are sooooo very selfish!!!!!

The thought of giving up the keys to The Kingdom of Me was a real eye opener. It is hard when you sit back and look at your life. If you go to page 241 in the back of the book, you will find the questions. As I have said before we will pick 2 typically or 3 depending on His leading.
So let's get started.
#5- Kay describes the WITTY principle and then concludes, "Figuring our [God's} ways isn't any of my business. Following him is." Which of God's ways have been most challenging for you to accept and follow?
So let's first explain the WITTY principle. Simply an acronym for the following statement..."What Is That To You?" I realize that this is the 5th question on the list but it is the one thing that really jumped out at me. She talks about this moment when she just let it rip (my words) because she is angry and hurt. Her thinking at this time is so much like mine at times. Have you ever felt like this? You have it out with the Lord and basically throwing yourself a pity party. I know that I have even in the last week. What am I doing wrong? Why is she getting to do this? Why was he blessed in this way or that I do the the exact same thing and I haven't seen your blessing yet? They asked for the same thing that I did and they got it and I didn't. My immediate human response it "THAT"S NOT FAIR" I am sure that you have done this to. After reading this chapter it comes back to my heart and my head "What is that to you Pam? Just follow me. Love me."
What in the world am I to say to that but "Yes, Lord, I am so sorry. Please forgive me." Then I open my eyes, and see the situation and circumstances that I seem to be in the throws of thru His eyes and not my own. WOW!!!!!
OK, next question......
Well, I can't really do another question. I realize that not everyone that reads this post will have the book but may just need to read something encouraging. This part was was so key for me over the past 2 weeks. I have gone back and read it over and over because it was just huge for me. Page 50. This is a direct quote from the book. I pray that it will minister to you as it has for me.
"Surrender always leads to peace. Accepting God's will in our circumstances is the hardest thing he asks of us because it requires denying ourselves and taking up the cross. If we forget that it is to a loving God that we surrender the keys to the Kingdom of Me, we will struggle long and hard against him. The good news is that his arms are around us, and we can beat our fists against his chest for as long as we like. But what rest for our souls comes when we finally relax into his embrace! Fenelon makes this observation:
God prepares a cross for you that you must embrace without thought of self-preservation. The cross is painful. Accept the cross and you will find peace even in the middle of turmoil. Let me warn you that if you push the cross away, your circumstances will become twice as hard to bear. In the long run, the pain of resisting the cross is harder to live with than the cross itself.
WOW is the only thing that I know to say. I am sure that I will reread this chapter again before posting Chapter 3. So much to think on. If you don't have the book, I would encourage you to purchase it. It is worth every penny!!!!!!

Please share your comments. Would love to hear them!!!!!!

Doula Mama Pam
Let's Pray
God, what you ask of me seems beyond my reach. I know I'm too protective of the Kingdom of Me. Part of me is ready to start living more for you than for myself, but part of me is desperately afraid. Please forgive me for living for myself. I've gotten really good at it. I see more and more clearly now that surrendering to you-denying myself, taking up the cross, and following you-is going to cost me. But because I know you made me to love me and you gave yourself for me, I am handling you the keys to the Kingdom of Me. Save me from myself. Amen.

It's Friday!/ Warning- This is a "Birthy Post"

What is on your agenda for this weekend?  I am not sure for us.  Hubby still is having back spasms and pain so that kind of limits this and that but I don't have Childbirth Classes this weekend so that kind of opens things up a little bit.  Hopefully going to make a home visit on Sunday afternoon and then another next Sunday probably.  I just love it!!!!!!!!  That is so where my heart is!!!!!!

I have now completed 2 rounds of Childbirth Education and it has really opened my mind and I even learned so much even as I was teaching.  What exactly women are wanting and what they are after.  There are some truly powerful women that know what they want and "Good for them" for going after it and getting it.  One Mom and Dad that I met had a routine visit with their OB and she was very clear about what she wanted.  Her OB said "Well, we will see.  Most women want that and end up with this that and the other" (not exact quote) and she and her husband changed providers.  YOU GO GIRL!!!!!
 That is one of my biggest things teaching class is for women to realize that they have a choice.  They can make choices and choose what kind of birth experience they desire.  EDUCATE YOURSELF!!!!!  That is the biggest thing that you can do.  READ!!! RESEARCH!!!! DO NOT WATCH TV!!!!!  A Baby Story on TLC and One Born Every Minute, just make me mad.  Unrealistic most of the time and the majority ends up on the editing floor.  Not good for the Mom's that are not going to class and not doing their research and knowing what is available. 
Quote from one of my favorite Childbirth Video's "Orgasmic Birth"....  "Women of earth...TAKE BACK YOUR BIRTH!!!!!!"  I just love that!!!!!! 
It can even come down to the simple things.......
What does it mean to have an epidural and all that comes with it?
Choices to think through-
-keeping exams to a minimum
-saline lock only-no IV fluids
-out of the bed-movement is a must!
-delayed cord clamping if you are not banking
-keeping baby with Mom and Dad
-delay eye ointment or decline it
-delay Hep B until first visit at Peds office
These are just a few choices that women have that they don't realize that they can speak up and say something about.  EDUCATE!!!!! and EMPOWER!!!!!! yourself!!!!!!!!  IT IS A MUST!!!!!!

OK, I will get off of my soap box.  Hope you all have a great weekend!!!!!!!!!

Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam

LIFE!!!

LIFE!!!!! is happening and some days I am wondering if I am still upright or flat on back.  I read over on a friends blog that she was feeling a bit like a punching bag.  I kind of understand where she is.  Not that I feel like a punching bag but maybe a piece of clay being pounded on the counter before being put on the Potter's Wheel. 
I realized that I started "Dangerous Surrender" and know that I owe you Chapter 2 but Chapter 2 has been very difficult for me.  I'm trying to find a way to put it into words and share enough but not to much that would just between my Lord and I. 

So, just to give you an idea on LIFE in the Kennedy household at present........
Poor Hubby is dealing with a pinched nerve in his back, going on 4 weeks. Physical Therapy, MD appts and Chiropractor appts on top of pain meds and muscle relaxers.
Oldest son's car dies and is now looking for it's resting place.
Oldest son gets Mom's car.
Mom gets new car.
Oldest son's phone dies.
Oldest son gets new phone but not a Smart Phone (maybe Christmas or Birthday)
Youngest son is gaining independence everyday and Mom is struggling with that
Mom missed BSF going on 4 weeks and going through withdrawal.
Mom just finished teaching her 2nd round of Childbirth Education and LOVED it!!!!!!
Mom went to Women's In-House Retreat and laid down a lot of STUFF!!!!!

Now you know how things are in our house.  Are things that crazy in yours?
I promise Chapter 2 this Saturday.  It will be great!!!!!!!!!!

Have an awesome day!!!!!!!!

Doula Mama Pam