Saturday, April 30, 2011

A New Look At Life

Well, things are for sure different. I don't think it is a mistake that I am in the midst of reading this book Dangerous Surrender.  I know for sure it is not. Why do I say that?
Well, Friday afternoon I was told that due to economics I was being laid-off.
What did you say?
What just happened?
Where in the world did that come from?
Well, I was in a state of shock because I had the mind set of "that won't happen to me" and it did.  The company that I worked for, even in the medical world, is experiencing financial difficulties.  Last year they laid off 15.  Then as the year has gone on, we have received word through out the months that more had been laid off.  With each one, we would worry about when it was getting to our site. did. 
I had always seen myself as the one that was indispensable.  I FOR SURE DO NOT MEAN THAT IN AN ARROGANT WAY!!!!!  I had been there, almost 8 years and when asked, I would work up front, work in the clinical, and pretty much work wherever they needed or wanted me. 
Anyone had a question- they came to me.
Anyone needed to vent- they came to me.
Anyone needed to cry-they were in my office
Anyone had a prayer request- they were in my office.
Do you see what I am getting at?  I thought I had done everything "right" in their eyes and I would be "safe" if it came around.
Funny that when I look back on the past months that I can see things changing, now that I am not there. 
Every one's question is "What are you going to do?" or "Tell me more!" or "I am so sorry."
I appreciate and covet your prayers.  I know that I am in need of them. 
At the same time, there is nothing really to tell.  Lay-offs got to our office and they got me.
This is my view at present.....
I have an AWESOME husband who calmed me down when I thought my world had come crashing down on Friday afternoon. He told me "It's OK, we will be fine, now it's time to see what's in store."
I have an AWESOME GOD!!!!  He knows my heart. He knows my passion. He created me for Him.
I have AWESOME parents.  I couldn't call them on Friday because I was to busy blubbering and when I had calmed down, they both called and just encouraged me and reminded me again that they are supportive and love me and the God has a plan.
I have a huge AWESOME network of friends that I love dearly. The FACEBOOK page has just lights up with comments, messages and prayers.  I just love it.
I have AWESOME kids. Kyle was so encouraging when I got home on Friday.  I am soooo grateful for him. Kaleb has no idea what is going on but has been so loving.
Do you know what you are going to do?
NOT A CLUE at this point.  Of course, the normal stuff at first with this and that and of course just seeking out what He wants me to do. I still will be a Doula. I'm still teaching Childbirth Education Classes and of course going to BSF.  I really feel like a blank canvas at this point.  Just laying on the ground or sitting on the easel and waiting for Him to just paint me and show me what He wants from me. 
I'm excited.
I'm overwhelmed.
I still moments of panic
I'm nervous.
I'm in awe.
I'm thrilled.
I'm work-stress free.
I'm free.
It's just about what He wants and how He is going to work it out.  God is good.  He is good all the time. He is in control. He has a plan. He has a plan for me. Now, I hope you will join me on this journey. I'll have Chapter 4 up tomorrow and you will see how fitting it is. 
Thanks for stopping by. 

Doula Mama Pam

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