Thursday, November 17, 2011

Need To Refocus

Well, things are for sure changing and going in different directions.  The key is to be positive and learn.  Problem is....I can't seem to be very positive.  It kind of feels like being so wrapped up in your circumstances that you can't see past the end of your nose. I have been here before. I don't like it. I want to get past it. I'm done with it but it just seems to continue to be there.  Just kind of a bummer!!!!!  I know what I need to do. I just can't seem to do it.  That is the problem. 

I had plans of running in the February race at Myrtle Beach.  So much so that I had my calendar done. My training all figured out and then the new job happened. At first,,,,not a problem. Well, now it's a big problem. I don't believe I will be going. I haven't registered and I am so far off on training, I just don't see it happening. It is just so hard because I had it all planned out. I mean down to the last detail. 

Working third shift truly has its advantages and well it's disadvantages.  It is very hard to chat with people at 3 am because most people are asleep. It's hard because most of my friends work and now I sleep during the day. That has really become a learning curve.  I can sleep until around 1 and then I'm up. But going to work on 5-6 hours sleep and working 12 hours is rough!!!!!!

I've learned very quickly how much I have been addicted to Facebook.  To the point of posting way to much information and then it seems silly.  I post my blog entries on there but I'm really thinking about changing that and just posting my Food Blog on there and not this one so much.  Maybe I need to just take a rest.  Take a break and not go there for a while. 

Trying to figure out how to work this shift and take advantage of the perks.  At the same time missing what I used to do as well.  Missing putting Little Man to bed. Missing waking up to him at 6 am wanting snuggle time before it was time to get up. Family meals at the table. Just the simple things. I do get about an hour and half with him before Bo gets home and I have to get ready for work or time for a quick dinner, bath, teeth and then Mommy is out the door. 

Now before you go and tell me I am being all negative and I need to get a grip, I already know that.  I realized that half way through the post.  The problem is that I have become so very self focused.  That is where my brain has landed and it is totally wrong and not where it should be. I get it!!!  Trust me I do!!!!  I'm in a place of adjustment.  The Lord has brought me here. Do I like it at present? Not so much. Am I learning from it? Yes. Is it hard? UNBELIEVABLY hard! 

You see, as I wrote, I realized.  There were a lot I's, Me's, and My's in the post.  I've even highlighted them for you. My focus has become on what Pam wants to do and not what the Lord wants Pam to do. So, to repair this ugly thought process.......I have to change my focus and put it back where it should be.  What does He want and what does He want from me

His ways are higher than mine. It's time for me to go HIS WAY and not mine!!!!!!

For sure a lot to ponder!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

okay, so I was thinking today about the whole 1/2 in February, thinking I have totally fallen off the wagon, and that running is not the thing for me currently. Then it occurred to me, why do I have to run it. Not many people can say they have walked that far much less run so it you are interested in having a friend to walk that far with you let me know. You know who I am.