Friday, May 13, 2011

Sharing Night at BSF

Well, yesterday it was humid and misty and overcast and the perfect day to do some blogging. So, I wrote a letter of thanks to Kaleb's daycare, made some earrings and bracelets for his teachers and of course ordered cupcakes for them for tomorrow. Today will be his last day at his daycare center. I'm sad but I am happy at the same time to be able to spend more time with the Little Man. I have so much planned in my head I can't stand it. I want him to have fun but at the same time, keep some structure. We are not watching TV everyday all day long for sure.
The other day in a post, I wrote about the last night of BSF.  I had done BSF in the past but for whatever reason, I didn't get to do sharing night. So, I had time that day to really read over the "Reflections" questions.  Not sure that is what they are really called.  Anyway, I went to fellowship that we were having prior to the actual "sharing time" in the sactuary where all of the discussion groups were.  We shared in our group.  We chatted and talked and I was about to bust at the seam and I guess that it could be seen all over my face.  My sweet Discussion Leader asked me to share about this year in the study of Isaiah.  Well, let's just say that I could have talked for an hour about this year.  I had such a sweet time with the Lord that morning that I just wanted to shout.  As you read over the next portion, keep in mind all that has happened in the past few weeks as far as losing my job from lay-off.  I pray that as you read, you can see Him. Don't see me. See Him and how He had shown and prepared me since last September. 
Review of Week 10- The situations when you are so overwhlemed and the circumstances are to much, that's exactly where He wants to work.  I was blown away when I caught that reading through my notes.  That is where I am.
Week of Chapter 11 and 12- Hope=expect with confidence.  This what I pray with. Praying with expectant confidence that He will answer.  May not be what I want to hear but He is ultimately in control.
Unsure of what week- Worship= undivided attention- If we are worshipping anything other than God, it is nothing and misguided.  What was I worshipping?  Where was my worship? Had it turned into complaining, self confidence, arrogance.  None of that is worship worthy of Him!!!!
This was the key for me- Total acceptance- He is the Lord.  He steps into your life and interups so you can experiece and know Him. 
Lesson 18- Choosing Cyrus- the unequipped, least qualified, least experience.  He can equip and qualify you.
As I read through the lessons, the notes, the side notes on my questions I was just blown away.  He was showing me His promises and preparing me for what was coming.  In the midst of the chaos that I was experiencing prior to being laid off, He was making a way for me.  In Isaiah is speaking of preparing the way and when we go back and reasearch it, they actually went down those dirt roads and filled potholes, making the road flat in preparation.  I'm amazed that as I think back to what I was thinking about school, the desire for more, desire for promotion, the desire for more education.  Knowing full well that it was not possible with all that was going on at that time.  Between work, teaching classes, being a Doula, a Mom, a Mommy and a wife, there was no time for school. 
So now the big question is.....Was this His way of clearing my road? Preparing a way for me to go back to school?  Some days, I am ready to sign up and then there are days I think, not yet and I say that out of fear. Where in the world is this road going?  I'm not willing to go running down it but it is a road He has prepared.
All of that being said, when we got into the large sanctuary with 500+ women, I sat there and it was basically a free microphone to share.  The longer I sat there the faster the heart went.  A phrase I had heard before by a dear sweet friend/mentor was...Delayed obedience IS disobedience.  OK!!!! I'm going.  I stood that night. 
I gave Him all the glory for the study.
I gave Him all the glory for working in my life.
I gave Him all the glory for preparing my road.
I gave Him all the glory for being laid-off.
I will continue to give Him glory for showing me what He wants of me. 
I am so excited I could bust a gut!!!!!
I can't wait to see what's coming!!!!!

Doula Mama Pam

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