Thursday, January 14, 2010

Thoughtful Thursday

It is Thursday and I am so thankful that this week is almost over but this weekend is just as busy as the entire week has been. Meet some friends at the gym Friday night, run Saturday morning, Gym with the hubby, Little Man's birthday party, meet with a Mom and her family, Church on Sunday and then a party Sunday afternoon and come home and collapse!!!! That wore me out just typing it. This has been a high stress week. We were back in court yesterday with our daughter. It was a hard place to be. At the same time, it was the right place to be because she is our daughter no matter what she thinks or feels toward us. The only way I would know to describe yesterday is high stress and sad and on the other hand her new case worker is so very optimistic. Let's make a journal entry.........

It's Thursday and we made it through yesterday.
The only thought on my brain was that I wanted to get off the roller coaster.
We have been on it for 10 years. Lord, I am tired.
You gave her to us and there are days I wonder what Your purpose was.
You created in me a different person than I was 10 years ago.
You have stretched me until I was literally physically and emotionally broken. Yet, you picked me up, dusted me off and told me to hang on to You with everything in my heart.
We have watched psychiatrist, therapist, nurses, teachers, Sunday School Teachers, School Teacher, pastors, friends, family, siblings, parents and everything humanly possible to help or try and "fix" her.
Lord, I know that she is mentally ill and the life experience that she has had by the age of 18, no one should ever have to go through.
Yet, Lord, the one thing that I can hang on to is the fact that I know that I know when we had Vacation Bible School 8 years ago and she made a profession of faith in You and was baptized, she is Yours!!!!!
You gave her to us for a time. You give all of us our children for a time but ultimately they are Yours.
We have held on for the roller coaster ride of a life time and in my heart, I am sure we are not off of it yet but for this time, we are in the waiting line and maybe called on again at some point in the distant future.
For now, Lord, she is totally yours and our hands are tied at this time. She has made her choices and her decisions and the judge, the probation officers, and the social worker will help from here on out.
Yes, she is still our daughter and we want so badly to see her succeed.
As her Dad said yesterday in the court room.... "We love her and want what is best for her."
Lord, help to keep my hands off and not try to help You. Heal my broken heart. Thank you Lord for seeing us through.

We love you T!
Mom, Dad, Bo and Lynn

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