Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I knew this day was coming but I could not remember when. I saw it this morning on McMama's blog and I as I sit here on my lunch hour, I can not help but to mention it, talk about and of course blog about it.
This is a day that comes around year after year and there are so many women that need this day of remembrance. I am one of those women. A few years ago, our family suffered a miscarriage. It was very early in the pregnancy but nevertheless, it was our baby. We were completely surprised to even find out I was pregnant. We had been told for YEARS that I would NEVER get pregnant without the help of fertility medications. We had finally accepted that and had moved on and then this. It hit us so hard when we found out we had lost our little one. It was, as I told my Mom that day, "It was hell on earth". That is where I was and I was hurting like nothing I had ever experienced before. It took many months and probably even a year or so to try and understand what was happening and why. I still don't understand.
I read so many blogs of women who have walked this road of an early miscarriage, of a 20+ week loss and even those that have carried their children to delivery and they have been taken to heaven before their first breath or their first 24 hours. Oh my heart hurts for you. My tears burn my face for you. Whether you have lost one early or full term or later, that was your child. I came to understand that even though in this life, I may not have had the chance to hold my little girl (mine was early and I chose to remember our baby as a girl), there is coming a day that I will get to hold her. She will be complete, maybe she will even have my cheeks. The fact is that at that moment when I finally see her, all of this on this earth won't matter. It won't even matter if she is a she or I am blown away that she is a he. He had a plan and that is what I can depend and hang on to. One of my very close friends named Tara and I were actually pregnant at the same time. Her pregnancy was completed with her oldest son named Ethan. I would be lying to tell you that there are the occasional times that I see Ethan and wonder.......Hmmmm what would she be like today.
I work in an Ob/Gyn office in Greensboro. We have women that have suffered the loss of their children. I have watched even the youngest mom that has had a miscarriage and the hurt in their eyes says all they need to say even without uttering a word. There are even women that I have come face to face with that have lost several children. I had the blessing of being on the phone even last Thursday with one that just kept weeping over the child that she had lost. The hurt, the anger, the emptiness and pain were more than she could handle. My heart just ached for her. I have seen her several times. We don't say much with words but the hugs and thank you's are all I need. I am praying for the day when she will get to take a baby home from the hospital with her!!!
He had a plan. He always has and always will. Once again, in the midst of rebellion, He gave us Kaleb. There was even a time early in my pregnancy with him I had some of the same issues and the fear and panic set in again. I can remember days sitting in my OB's office in tears because I was afraid I would have to re-live that pain all over again. The Lord saw me through. He blessed my socks off with Kaleb and his Daddy!!!!!!! Once again, I'll say it again!!! He is in total control!!!!! He DOES know what He is doing!!!!! Not a day goes by that I don't spend time sitting and holding Kaleb and realizing what a blessing he is to everyone he meets.
So, as today passes by and you think of those who have lost a child, no matter if it was early or late, call them today and encourage them. Tell them you thought about them and prayed for them today. They will so appreciate it and it will mean more to them than you ever realize!!!!!!
Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam