Thursday, October 15, 2009

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I knew this day was coming but I could not remember when. I saw it this morning on McMama's blog and I as I sit here on my lunch hour, I can not help but to mention it, talk about and of course blog about it.

This is a day that comes around year after year and there are so many women that need this day of remembrance. I am one of those women. A few years ago, our family suffered a miscarriage. It was very early in the pregnancy but nevertheless, it was our baby. We were completely surprised to even find out I was pregnant. We had been told for YEARS that I would NEVER get pregnant without the help of fertility medications. We had finally accepted that and had moved on and then this. It hit us so hard when we found out we had lost our little one. It was, as I told my Mom that day, "It was hell on earth". That is where I was and I was hurting like nothing I had ever experienced before. It took many months and probably even a year or so to try and understand what was happening and why. I still don't understand.

I read so many blogs of women who have walked this road of an early miscarriage, of a 20+ week loss and even those that have carried their children to delivery and they have been taken to heaven before their first breath or their first 24 hours. Oh my heart hurts for you. My tears burn my face for you. Whether you have lost one early or full term or later, that was your child. I came to understand that even though in this life, I may not have had the chance to hold my little girl (mine was early and I chose to remember our baby as a girl), there is coming a day that I will get to hold her. She will be complete, maybe she will even have my cheeks. The fact is that at that moment when I finally see her, all of this on this earth won't matter. It won't even matter if she is a she or I am blown away that she is a he. He had a plan and that is what I can depend and hang on to. One of my very close friends named Tara and I were actually pregnant at the same time. Her pregnancy was completed with her oldest son named Ethan. I would be lying to tell you that there are the occasional times that I see Ethan and wonder.......Hmmmm what would she be like today.

I work in an Ob/Gyn office in Greensboro. We have women that have suffered the loss of their children. I have watched even the youngest mom that has had a miscarriage and the hurt in their eyes says all they need to say even without uttering a word. There are even women that I have come face to face with that have lost several children. I had the blessing of being on the phone even last Thursday with one that just kept weeping over the child that she had lost. The hurt, the anger, the emptiness and pain were more than she could handle. My heart just ached for her. I have seen her several times. We don't say much with words but the hugs and thank you's are all I need. I am praying for the day when she will get to take a baby home from the hospital with her!!!

He had a plan. He always has and always will. Once again, in the midst of rebellion, He gave us Kaleb. There was even a time early in my pregnancy with him I had some of the same issues and the fear and panic set in again. I can remember days sitting in my OB's office in tears because I was afraid I would have to re-live that pain all over again. The Lord saw me through. He blessed my socks off with Kaleb and his Daddy!!!!!!! Once again, I'll say it again!!! He is in total control!!!!! He DOES know what He is doing!!!!! Not a day goes by that I don't spend time sitting and holding Kaleb and realizing what a blessing he is to everyone he meets.

So, as today passes by and you think of those who have lost a child, no matter if it was early or late, call them today and encourage them. Tell them you thought about them and prayed for them today. They will so appreciate it and it will mean more to them than you ever realize!!!!!!

Laboring With You,
Doula Mama Pam


Heidi said...

A very beautiful post. Thank you for sharing!


Tara said...

Thanks for this Pam. I may have to leave a post of my own. Don't think that I am not aware every year when Ethan's b-day rolls around that you at least think about it and maybe dream a little. Sometimes I think what my life would be like with 6 instead of 3. What if...but God is control and that is where I live because if not I would suffocate from the pain and the ache to holds those babies that are with Him.
Love You,

Cindy said...

Our first "heavenly child" (what I call them because they made it to heaven before they ever saw earth or felt my arms was due at Mother's Day. The day comes with mixed emotions every year. How to celebrate the three wonderful children I have here on earth and the seven children that I was never able to hold? I have come to grips with the idea that although all things are not from God, all things can be used by God. I have had an opportunity to minister to many, many women (including you - or at least I hope you would say it was ministering) who never held their baby. God did not give me the gift of mercy in most situations, but in this kind of loss I can truly say I know how you feel. I also know that not only does miscarriage steal the baby from you, it steals many of the joys of pregnancy. Pregnancy is never the same after a miscarriage.

Although I would give anything to have the seven children back in my arms, I also know that I would never have had Hannah and Alex (we would have stopped way before 10 children). So today I choose to thank God for the three children He has given me, Praise God for the fact that those seven innocent little ones have not had to experience a single hurt here on earth but instead have spent their entire being in the presence of the Lord, and ask God to use me through these losses.

Hazel said...

Hello Pam,

I just read your blog post through the Mommies Network. Thank you so much for writing this. I lost my little bean (would've been my third child) early on in the pregnancy back in 2007. I played the waiting game, to figure out what was going on. And finally, I was told that I would miscarry. During that time of waiting and being optimistic, it all came crashing down. My sadness and hurt finally came out all at once. Even though I was unable to meet this wee one, I had so many dreams for her... all to disappear in a moment. I have wondered and will always wonder "What if..." But like you said, HE has a plan. I have to believe that... I want to believe that. Since then, our family has been blessed with another daughter and we are now expecting our 4th child (another little girl). And even with this little lady, I'm nervous about things that could happen. God-willing, we will deliver another happy baby girl. Thank you for posting this, Pam. It made me tear up, but it was nice to be able to share those tears with you. Now off to spread your post! God bless you!